I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
...so i touched it.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
