Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
