I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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