Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
