The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
