I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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