in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
