There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize