i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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