Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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