I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
