im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
