Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize