six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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