just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
