direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
