You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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