There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
