well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Shame - the story of my life.
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