I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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