In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize