What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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