is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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