and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
