dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
