need another drink. this is the easiest way
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just google imaged poop.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
