I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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