Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
