Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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