does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
