she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you never un-have a 4some
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
