There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
