she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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