we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
