she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize