Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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