Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize