return my video game
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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