why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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