So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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