Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
