just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
