I wish you could order shots online.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
