The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
pray to the hookup gods
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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