are you so shy because you have an std?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
