Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
