I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize