david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
