I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
