Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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