Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
