I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
