shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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