so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
