I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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