You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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