Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
