If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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