the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
