i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
