Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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